


Out of Darkness, Cometh Light

by ohvirtuemoir



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: F/M, Grief/Mourning, Heartbreak, If I remember, Minor Character Death, Single Parents, updated as i go along
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-09 02:26:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17398244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohvirtuemoir/pseuds/ohvirtuemoir
Summary: There are moments in life that when they happen, you know that they’re going to be turning points. Moments in life where you know that nothing will ever be the same again.





	Out of Darkness, Cometh Light

** Out of Darkness, Cometh Light **

 

_ London, Ontario. January, 2020. _

 

There are moments in life that when they happen, you know that they’re going to be turning points. Moments in life where you know that nothing will ever be the same again. Moments like… well winning the Olympics in 2018. That was a big, life changing turning point for both Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir.

 

When Tessa picked up the phone less than 20 minutes ago to a panic stricken Scott, she knew in her heart, and she felt it in her soul that this would be another life changing moment. 

 

_ It was 3am. Or at least, that was the time Tessa thought it was. Being woken up by the blast of Hall and Oates belting ‘You Make My Dreams Come True’ out of her phone that sat comfortably on her nightstand was something she was not expecting. Nor was she expecting her vision to be slightly blurred but the early hours of the morning and the glaring brightness of her phone would do that to you. _

 

_ Tessa sat up in bed, gently rubbed the sleep from her tired eyes and grabbed her phone. She quickly glanced down at the caller ID before answering. _

 

_ “Scott?” She asked, flicking on the light by her bed so that she wasn’t sitting in complete darkness, the luminous light casting a gentle glow over her room. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?” _

 

_ “T.” Scott croaked out. Something wasn’t right. She was so certain of it in fact that she had already thrown the covers off her body and she was out of bed, searching for suitable clothing to throw on in amidst the darkness. _

 

_ “Scott, talk to me. What’s happening?” Tessa didn’t need to see him in that moment to know what he looked like. The sound of his voice meant only one thing, there were tears streaming down his face. She’d only seen Scott cry a handful times in their 23 year partnership. He was an emotional guy, yes. You would know exactly how he was feeling, he’d never hide that. He was passionate and driven but tears were a whole other story. That was one side of Scott she very rarely got to witness. _

 

_ “Grace…” Scott paused, finding the right words to say. She heard him intake a breath before continuing. “I’m at the hospital, T.” _

 

_ “Is she alright? Is the baby okay?” Tessa quickly asked as she balanced the phone between her shoulder and her ear while pulling up her black skinny jeans. Grace was Scott’s wife. They’d been together less than 2 years. It had been a whirlwind romance and Scott was smitten. He proposed after only 4 months and they had been married before the year was out. Before long, they were pregnant and expecting a small bundle of joy into the world. Tessa was ecstatic for them. She knew that this was what Scott had dreamt of for years - a wife and a family to call his own.  _

 

_ “I’m so scared, Tess” Scott almost whispered down the phone, his voice catching on her name. _

 

_ “Which hospital are you at? St Joseph’s?” Tessa asked as she ripped out of her bedroom and down the stairs, her phone in one hand, her car keys in another.  _

 

_ “Yeah we are. God. I don’t know what to do.”  _

 

_ Tessa grabbed her white, Adidas trainers that sat in a cupboard by her front door and clicked her phone onto speaker as she sat down in the hallway to put her shoes on her feet. “I’m on my way Scott, just stay there. I’ll be with you soon.” Tessa replied as the line went dead.  _

 

_ Once her trainers were tied, Tessa took a moment and sat on the cold, hardwood floors. She ran her hands through her soft, brown locks and sighed. She didn’t know what she would find at the hospital. She had no idea what was going on, what the circumstances were or how this moment would impact her life. All she wished was that Grace was safe and the baby was healthy.  _

 

Tessa raced to the hospital, most likely on the wrong side of the speed limit. As soon as she had sat in the car and turned the ignition on, she shut off the radio and basked in the silence. Her mind was too full to even contemplate having any distractions on in the background. In normal circumstances, anyone would be grateful for that small distraction and to not sit in complete silence.  For Tessa however, she needed a plan. She needed to concentre. She needed to prepare herself for what was about to happen.

 

Before she knew it, Tessa had found a car parking space right outside of the maternity wing of St Joseph’s hospital, where her and Scott were both born over three decades ago. She quickly switched her ignition off, grabbed her keys and opened the door to the cold breeze of the outside world. She shivered and wrapped her jumper around herself. If she had thought about the weather more, she would have chosen to wear a more appropriate coat. Maybe a hat, scarf and mittens as well as she knew how bitterly cold the weather could be in Ontario. 

 

As Tessa approached the automatic doors of the hospital, she heart rate began to increase. She could feel the tightness in her chest and the nausea engulfing her body. She quickened her paces and then stopped in front of the unmanned reception desk. Tessa looked around, unsure of what to do next. She glanced up and down the empty corridor and took a deep breath in.  _ Think, Tess. Think.  _

 

“Hello? Can I help you?” A gentle voice called out. Tessa turned around and greeted a nurse dressed in pink overalls. 

 

“Hi, yeah sorry. I’m looking for a Scott and Grace Moir.” Tessa replied as she nervously folded her arms over her chest. “I think Grace was brought in a few hours ago, I’m not sure” Tessa continued as the nurse walked closer.

 

“You’re Tessa, right?” the nurse asked and Tessa nodded her head once.  _ Maybe she recognises us from the Olympics, _ Tessa thought and her mind quickly turned to what the media would make out of this if it ever got out.  _ ‘Tessa Virtue runs to the hospital in the middle of the night to comfort her skating/business partner and his wife during labour.’ They would have a field day with that.  _ “Scott mentioned a few minutes ago that you were coming, I’ll take you to him.” The nurse continued and with that, the petite woman turned and walked towards a set of double doors passed the front desk. 

 

Tessa couldn’t focus her mind on anything else but the beating of her heartbeat that was making itself known in her chest.  _ Boom boom boom boom boom.  _ It was relentless. It was suffocating. And Tessa felt helpless.

 

This wasn’t the first moment in her life that she felt out of control of the current situation. Her mind cast her back to 2008, when the pain and numbness in her legs started. It was the beginning of a long road for Tessa… two surgeries, years of physiotherapy, counselling and learning to love the body that had betrayed her. Not only that but her partnership with Scott was not in a good place. The bickering, the isolation, that horrible feeling in her gut that she had let him down and destroyed their chance of going to the Olympics in 2010, became too much for her. 

 

But in that situation, all those moons ago, Tessa felt that she had at least some say in the outcome. She could control if she ventured to the physiotherapy sessions. She could control how much she pushed herself on the ice and how she recovered afterwards. But here, surrounded by the clean white walls of the hospital, Tessa felt the least in control of the outcome. Because this wasn’t her life, it was Scott’s. All she could do was be a bystander and pray that everything would work out.

 

She rounded the corner at the end of the corridor, hot on the heels of the nurse. The woman took another quick turn and led Tessa into a secluded waiting area. There, sitting on the edge of his chair, with his head in his hands, was Scott. It was a distressing image for Tessa, one that she wishes she could erase from her mind. She stopped dead in her tracks, almost afraid of getting too close in case he startled, like what you might do with a small bird you want to get a photograph of in the woods. But Scott wasn’t a small animal, or a bird for that matter. He was her best friend, her skating partner of over 23 years. Her ally, her rock, the person she could turn to at any given moment. But the man sitting before her, looked like the shell of the man she had known since the age of six. He was slumped forward in his seat, his eyes shut tightly closed. His cheeks were tear stained and blushed. He was nervously shaking his right leg up and down. Tessa looked to the nurse who flashed a small smile of reassurance that encouraged her to take that small step forward to comfort the man she had known for so many years.

 

“Scott?” She whispered. He didn’t move when she sat down in the empty seat next to him. He didn’t flinch when she lifted her arm up to rest on his shoulder. He was still and silent. Tessa wasn’t quite sure what to say, so she didn’t say a word. She sat with her arms around him and offered him the comfort he so desperately needed.

 

“I don’t know what to do, T.” Scott whispered after a few minutes. He brought his hand away from his face and leaned back slightly in his hair. Tessa kept her eyes locked on his face and her hand still rested gently on his shoulder. She no longer cared that she had woken up in the depths of the night. Her world had focused to that small, hospital waiting area, to Scott, and to the woman down the hall who she just hoped and prayed was alright. 

 

“Tell me what’s happened and I can try and help.” Tessa replied softly, her hand caressing his shoulder. Scott sighed and squeezed his eyes shut. He breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth, a technique they learned all those years ago in Montreal, to calm their nerves before a competition. Something so simple, but so effective in getting the mind and body to relax.

 

“I have a daughter.” Scott replied, a small smiling gracing his features. But this smile quickly faded and in its place was a look of frustration. He took another deep breath in and ran his hands up his face and through his hair. Tessa kept silent, knowing that there was more to this story. “She’s so beautiful, Tess. She came out kicking and screaming. And then something happened to Grace. I don’t know what but the doctors kicked me out. I have no idea what’s going on or if she’s okay. No one has come to speak to me. And our daughter...” he paused as his head fell onto Tessa’s shoulder. “She’s spent the first hour of her life without me there. And her mother… God Tess. I don’t know what’s happening and it’s killing me.” 

 

“I’m sure Grace is fine, Scott. Just focus all of your energy on your daughter.”

 

“No one has come and spoken to me. No one has said a word to me.”

 

“They’re probably just making sure she’s settled before anyone comes to speak to you.” Tessa countered. Scott lifted his head from her shoulder and looked at her deep into her emerald green eyes. “No news is good news.” Scott stayed silent, willing more than anything that what Tessa was saying was true. But he knew, somewhere deep inside of his soul, that something wasn’t quite right. Call it a gut instinct, but he just knew. 

 

Minutes passed but to Scott, they might as well have been hours. He felt empty and broken. He only raised his head from Tessa’s shoulder when he heard from the direction of Grace’s hospital room. Scott’s hazel eyes connected with Tessa’s green orbs before he looked up and made eye contact with Grace’s doctor. He stood up quickly and braced himself for whatever news Doctor Thomas was about to deliver. Tessa got to her feet and crossed her arms over her chest. 

 

“Scott.” Doctor Thomas started as he came to a standstill before the pair. “Your daughter is beautiful, as healthy as can be. The nurses have her.” Scott let out a breathe that he wasn’t aware he was even holding. HIs head dropped and a silent tear fell onto his cheeks. He closed his eyes, wiped the escaped tear and brought his head back up.

 

“And Grace?” Scott whispered, his voice barely audible from the sounds of the hospital. He didn’t even need to look at the Doctor to know what he was going to say next.

 

“Grace suffered a postpartum hemorrhage, unlike anything I’ve seen before.” The doctor paused and look Scott straight in the eye. “I’m sorry Scott. Grace passed away.” 

 

That was it. The moment Scott’s life had changed forever. The rest of that moment was a blur but those words would be engraved in Scott’s mind for the rest of his life. Grace had died. It was his fault. It wasn’t his fault. But he felt like it was. He dropped to his knees. Tessa dropped with him. She held onto him tight. He held onto her. He was angry. He felt hurt, betrayed by the world. Why did this happen to her? Why did she have to go? It wasn’t her time. He didn’t hear the doctor call for the nurses. He didn’t hear Tessa’s sobs or her condolences. He didn’t see the doctor kneel in front of him. He didn’t hear the doctor explain that he couldn’t have known. It’s just something that sometimes happens. Bullshit. He was angry. He felt hurt. He felt alone. 

 

Scott didn’t hear the doctor at first. It wasn’t until Tessa had placed her hand back on his shoulder and his eyes drifted to her face, her tear soaked cheeks brought him back to this moment. “Scott” Tessa started, her voice breaking.

 

“Do you want to see her? Doctor Thomas said, the features on his face full of sadness, so no.  _ Her _ wasn’t his daughter. They weren’t asking if he wanted to see her.  _ Her. _ His wife. 

 

“Um.” Scott looked from the doctor, back to Tessa and then down the hall to where he knew Grace lay. He nodded, not trusting the words to come out of his mouth. Words made it real. This wasn’t real life, this was hell. Scott stood up from the floor, brushed his legs with his hands and then whipped his face once more. He followed the doctor down the hall, with Tessa just behind him. 

 

As they reached the door, Tessa held back, almost scared of the inevitable. She wanted to give Scott this moment to say goodbye to the love of his life, the woman who helped shape the man she knows today. She wanted to give him that space to grieve before the magnitude of the situation he was in lurked in his thoughts. But as Tessa stopped outside of the door, Scott grabbed her hand, laced his fingers through hers in a way only he knows how and muttered the words that would end up changing her life too. 

 

“Please don’t leave me.” Scott’s voice cracked and he shook his head, the tears threatening to spill once more. 

 

“Never” Tessa walked into the room, behind her best friend and lay eyes on the woman that Scott loved. 

 

Scott stopped. HIs feet coming to a complete standstill. From what he knew about hemorrhages from the pregnancy books that he had read over the last 9 months, he was expecting to see blood. A lot of it because that was what a hemorrhage was. Excessive bleeding following the birth of a child. More common in cesarean births. Grace hadn’t had a cesarean birth. But there was no blood, she was clean, dressed in a crisp white hospital gown, one that Scott knew she hadn’t packed herself. Her hospital bag, still on the chair by the window. Her eyes were shut and if Scott hadn’t of known any better, he would have guessed she was just sleeping.  _ Please let her be sleeping. _ But she wasn’t sleeping and he knew that. Though it made this moment a lot better thinking that she was.

 

Scott took a step closer And another. And another. Until he sat down in the chair that he had occupied for the last 10 hours. He held onto her hand, like had had done for the last 10 hours. He ran his hand through her blonde hair, like he had done for the last 10 hours. He stroked her face, her cheek. She was still warm. Scott wasn’t sure what to do, how to behave or how to feel. But there was one thing he know he needed to do.

 

“Grace” he spoke so softly that Tessa had to strain to hear his words. She felt like she should leave, give him a moment of privacy. But she had promised only moments ago to never leave him, even in moments like this. She knew he needed her there, even if she couldn’t offer him anything at that time. “I love you, okay. God, I love you so much. And I promise to look after our daughter. I promise to love her with everything that I have, like I love-loved. Like I loved you. And I promise that she’ll grow up knowing how incredible her Mom was. God Grace.” Scott let out a sob as he clutched her hand tighter and his head fell to her chest. “You have given me the greatest gift Grace and I promise I’ll be the best Dad that I can be for our little girl.” 

 

Tessa stood by the door in silence, her tears once again staining her cheeks. All that she wanted, more than anything in this world was to make Scott’s pain go away. She wanted that more than any gold medal. Hell she would give up all the gold medals and Olympic titles in the world if it meant that Scott could live happily ever after with his wife and daughter. 

 

Before too long, Scott had stood up from the chair he was occupying next to Grace’s bed. He took a deep breath in before leaning down and pressing a kiss against her temple. He gently squeezed her hand once more before letting go and placing it back onto her stomach. 

 

He turned and walked towards Tessa engulfing her in a hug. 

 

“Thank you for being here.” Scott whispered in her ear as she wrapped her arms around him, shielding him from the world. She wanted to tell him that one day, he would move on with his life without even knowing it at the time. It would just be something that happens. She wanted to tell him that she would be there for him, like he has been for her over the years. She wanted to tell him that everything would be okay, that one day, the pain would stop and he would be able to wake up each morning and the first thing that came to his mind wasn’t Grace. But she couldn’t tell him that - at least not that last one. Because in truth, she didn’t know if everything was going to be okay. But what she did know, and what she did tell him, was that she was going to be by his side and helping him through it.

 

Outside of Grace’s hospital room, Tessa and Scott came face to face with Doctor Thomas once more. “There’s a little girl who wants to meet you” he said, trying to bring as much joy to the situation as possible. Scott nodded and looked down at his feet. He was allowed to grieve for the next few moments. After that he needed to step up and be a father to his daughter. He needed to be the father that Grace would have wanted him to be and the father his daughter deserves. 

 

At the end of the corridor, the three of them to a right turn and immediately right again until they found themselves in an empty hospital room, identical to the one that housed Grace’s body. Everything was the same; from the room layout, to the colour of the walls. The only thing that was different, was here, next to the hospital bed in a small cot, lay a sleeping baby wrapped in a soft, pink blanket. The nurse standing next to the cot, smiled reassuringly at Scott

 

“I’m sorry for your loss” the nurse said, sadness momentarily gracing her features. “I can’t imagine how difficult this moment must be for you.” Scott gave a small nod as he walked ever closer to the small bundle. His small bundle. He reached the side of the cot and peered in. God was she beautiful. Just like her mother. She had Grace’s nose, small and perfectly angular. Apart from that, he couldn’t tell who she looked like. She had the slightest sign of brown hair on her hair, not much and barely noticeable. But it definitely wasn’t blonde like her mother.  _ That must come from me.  _ “You can hold her if you like.” The nurse said as she waited for Scott’s reaction. 

 

“I would love that” he replied as he carefully reached into the cot, placing one hand underneath her soft head and another hand underneath her body, like what the baby books had told him to do. He wasn’t quite sure what to expect when he first thought of holding his daughter for the first time. He had imagined cutting her umbilical cord, separating her from her mother. He imagined following the nurses over to the ‘baby station’ where he would watch her getting her measures done. He imagined holding her hand and kissing her head as she screamed, making her presence known to the world. He imagined wrapping her in that pink blanket himself, holding her close to his body as he rocked backwards and forwards before walking back over the Grace and placing his daughter in his wife’s arms.

 

Scott sat on the edge of the hospital bed, enamoured with his daughter. Tessa walked over quietly, choosing to sit on the chair next to him. She smiled down at his daughter, stroking one of her hands with her index finger.

 

“She’s beautiful Scott.”

 

“Elsie. Her name is Elsie” Scott replied as he rocked her gently backwards and forwards. “Elsie Grace Moir.”

 

“It’s perfect.” Tessa said softly. 

 

So much had happened that morning, Tessa couldn’t quite comprehend it all. A day full of mixed emotions and the sun hadn’t even risen yet. A little girl had been welcomed into the world and with that, came the loss of one of her best friends. Tessa was heartbroken, not just for Scott and Elsie, but for herself as well. As she looked down at this new life, Tessa couldn’t help but know that she needed to be here for this little girl, in anyway that Scott would let her.

 

“I don’t know what to do, T” muttered Scott, his grip tightening on his daughter. 

 

“We’ll figure it out together” Tessa reassured him, lifting her hand from the baby to rest on Scott’s shoulder. 

 

“I don’t think I can go home.” Scott said after a few minutes of silence. “I can’t go home and see the house how she left it. With her shoes by the front door or her makeup in the mirror or her toothbrush next to the sink. I don’t think I can do that yet.”

 

“Then come with me.” Tessa said, the words flying out of her mouth before she had a chance to contemplate the situation. 

 

“What?”

 

“Even if it’s just for a days or weeks or months. I can give you that space to grieve and be with your daughter, away from all of that.”

 

“Tess, I can’t ask you to do that.”

 

“You’re not asking, I’m offering.” Tessa countered. Scott looked at her, trying to read her expression.

 

“T-”

 

“Scott, if I wasn’t being serious, I wouldn’t have offered.”

 

“But Tessa. There isn’t just me anymore.” He replied and looked down at Elsie as she stirred in his arms, her eyes flickering before she opened them fully, or as fully as a newborn that was only a few hours old could open them.

 

“Hi there gorgeous girl” Tessa cooed her hand immediately stroking Elsie’s face. “Aren’t you beautiful?”

 

“Tessa.”

 

“Scott, if this means you can grieve in privacy, with your daughter. And I can help you adjust to life as a new father, then you should know that I would do that. If it was the other way around, you would do it for me.”

 

“Of course I would.”

 

“Then at least think about it.” Tessa replied as Scott looked down again at Elsie, his eyes meeting hers. From what he had read in those baby books, he knew for sure that a lot of babies are normally born with blue eyes that change with time. But when he looked at Elsie, all he was was his own eyes. Hazel. Big and beautiful. Scott thought about what Tessa had said. She had told him to think about it, but he already knew what his answer was going to be. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Story title is from a city's motto near to me - I heard it for the first time a few years ago and instantly fell in love. I knew that I needed to write a story with this as the title so here we are. I also think it's pretty appropriate for this story. (I think it's also from Shakespeare as well!)
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it. This chapter has been one of the hardest I've ever had to write. It was so emotionally draining but I hope that I've done it justice. 
> 
> All the medical talk that I have referenced in this chapter has come from Google. Big thanks to dubreuillauzon on twitter who helped me with some of the medical things way back in November! (Yes, this idea has been floating around in my head for close to 5 months now!)
> 
> This work is completely unbeta'd so any mistakes that have been made are my own (I also have a habit of what I write not making sense so forgive me for that as well!) I would also just like to state that right now it's 11pm and I've been writing for the last few hours. The sensible thing to do would be to wait and read through this again in the morning in case I've missed any mistakes but oh well. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think. I can't promise that I will be able to update regularly - I'm a trainee teacher and so life is a little hectic right now. But if you leave nice comments, I'll try and update again soon *flashes eyes*
> 
> Thank you for reading! x
> 
> //
> 
> twitter: @ohvirtuemoir  
> tumblr: @ohsovirtuemoir


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